3,650 days

I have always known that what I wanted most out of life was to be a wife and a mother. I aspired to be the perfect wife and mother, but have long since realized that such a woman does not exist. I think all one can really strive for is finding what works. And compromise.

Today, my husband and I have been married for ten years. 3,650 days. And really, it doesn’t seem like it’s been a day over 9 years and 233 days, unless you’re counting the Saturday mornings I am forced to watch shows about deer and bow hunting. Or the Saturday nights where I must walk away from “Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome” for the 63rd time. It is then that it seems as if we’ve been together forever. As if somehow one of my worst fears has come true – that I am stuck in a vortex of time that may never end. Kind of like the movie “Groundhog Day.”

What I have learned over the last 10 years is that marriage requires compromise. Like learning to incorporate not one, but two, whitetail deer mounts into my living room décor. And watching South Park instead of HGTV. And resisting the urge to put that spoon into the dishwasher, because he insists that there should be an ‘only-one-spoon-per-day’ rule in our house. Meaning that the spoon he used to stir his coffee is also the spoon that he will leave sitting on the counter to eat his soup with, rinse, and then leave sitting there on the counter to eat his ice cream with while watching South Park. And this spoon that is sitting on the counter throughout the day does not bother me at all. That spoon sitting right there on the counter next to the sink. Nope, not one little bit.

Many unexpected twists and turns have come our way over the past several years. Some we’ve handled with grace. Others, not so much. And although things have not turned out the way I had envisioned, we are still here. We are still committed. And I love him now more than ever. I have learned that along with finding the middle ground, love and loyalty are the foundation of a strong marriage. That, and accepting the fact that I will become a widow for one week each and every fall during deer season. Compromise.


I suppose that what I really want to say is that I have been blessed . God has blessed me with a man who may at times drive me crazy with his love of hunting shows and Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome (oh, and leaving that spoon sitting on the counter), but who also loves and supports me, and gives me strength when I need it most. He is accepting and forgiving of my faults and he never makes me feel guilty in my moments of weakness. His heart is my shelter and his arms, my home.

I only hope that I am half the gift to him that he is to me.

“…I give you my promise that from this day forward, you shall not walk alone. May my heart be your shelter and my arms your home. With this ring, I bring to you all that I am and all that I have; I give you my heart, for I have no greater gift to give. I promise I will always love you, and strive to perfect that love. I thank God for the love we have found, and I thank you.” - December 4, 1999

There Were Two Clothed Children in My Backyard a Minute Ago

Now there is just one.

In the time it took me to put (yet another) load of laundry in, a child of mine had removed all clothing and underpants, and was leaping and twirling through the yard. Any guesses as to which child this might be?

Dear God, please, please, please can we bypass the teenage years with this one - I don't know if my heart, or patience, or sanity can take it.

Poor, Neglected Blog

I just realized it’s been 89 days, 2 hours, and 2 minutes since I posted anything on my poor, neglected blog. I sure wish I had something interesting to post now. But… I don’t.

The One In Which I Make Excuses

Although my social calendar has been absolutely filled with a whole lot of nothing, the whole paving-the-way-for-a-better-future-and-more-meaningufl-life-thing (aka: nursing school) has kind of overtaken our household and kind of gets in the way of my blog.

That, and Facebook. And Twitter. I've succumbed to the ease of one-liners.

I promise it's only temporary. And by temporary, I mean at least another 6 1/2 weeks. But, I can assure you that on, or before, May 11th, I shall receive short-term parole from the jailhouse that is nursing school and will grace all ya all with my bloggy presence.

All 2 of you.

Or probably just myself. At least I enjoy my own company.

Zoinks! Scooby-Doo & Aerosmith

My kids love, love, LOVE Scooby-Doo. In fact, they’re watching it right now. Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed. Nowhere near as awesome as the retro Scooby that I loved as a kid. But truth be told, I think they like the old stuff better, too. And what's not to love about the shenanigans of the Scooby-Doo gang? Freddie is cool. Velma is smart. Daphne is quite the fashionista. Scooby is lovable. And Shaggy is...well, he's Shaggy. Like, Wow!

Put them all together with a groovy van, some spooky ghosts, and a mystery to solve, and you have something quite priceless.

And timeless. Seriously, the Scoob is older than I am. Zoinks! This got me thinking...what makes something “timeless”? Did you catch that nice transition - Scooby-Doo to timeless. Sometimes I amaze even myself with the all the randomness floating around in my head. That I can jump from one random thought to another without skipping a beat. And I digress. Yet again. Man, oh, man.

So when I think of things that are timeless, I think of Louis Vutton bags. Embroidered Polo shirts. Marilyn Monroe. Heinz ketchup. Scissors. Dick Clark. Coca-Cola. Barbie. Egg cartons. Tiffany's. Zippers. Legos.

I'm going to go ahead and add two more things to the list: Scooby-Doo and Aerosmith. That's right. I said it. Scooby-Doo. And Aerosmith. It's simple, really. They both grooved through the 70’s. Rocked through the 80’s. Jammed through the 90’s. And they’re still around today. Old. Yet relevant. Aged. Yet contemporary.

They adapt and modernize just enough to keep up with the times. Yet at the core of it all, they’re still the same. It’s still Scooby and Steven Tyler. Shaggy and Joe Perry. The Mystery Machine and Sweet Emotion. Scooby snacks and Crazy. Scrappy and Run DMC. In 2009, we’ve got CAD animation and Guitar Hero thrown into the mix. But still, Scooby Doo and Aerosmith are truly timeless. Just like Grace Kelly. And Audrey Hepburn. Minus the beauty. And exquisiteness. And sophistication.

He Apparently Does Not Know Quality Television When He Sees It.

"What?!?!? American Idol, again?!?!?"

"What's wrong with American Idol?"

"All they do is sing and talk and sing and talk and blah, blah, blah. Borrr-ing."

"You're 6. You think Spongebob Squarepants is worthy of an Oscar and that the dialogue in Star Wars the Clone Wars is riveting, Mr. Primetime-TV-Critic. Besides, I have the remote, so there."

American Idol is not worthy of the under 8 crowd, anyways. This is television programming that is much too distinguished for those who find potty humor and boogers to be acceptable components of a conversation. And it's definitely way too inspiring for those who can sit for hours on end watching history and nature documentaries. I guess that successfully eliminates both males in my household.

25 Random Things About Me: Extended Version

1. I am a little bit obsessive about the way my dishwasher is loaded. All the spoons go in one slot. Forks in another. Knives in another. Plastic cups on the upper right. Glasses on the upper left. Plates lined up largest to smallest. Ummm…I’m kind of making myself sound a little craaa-zy, so let’s move on to number 2.
2. I wanted to have 6 kids. I have 2. I would be overjoyed to be blessed with 4.
3. Although my husband has been a Pilot for more than 10 years, I have never flown with him. I don’t really know why. Oh, wait, I think that it might be the whole motion-sickness thing. The older I get, the worse it gets.
4. I sometimes have to leave in the middle of a movie at the theater because of the whole motion-sickness thing. It’s quite sad, really.
5. I love, love, LOVE Crate & Barrel. My heart skips a beat when I receive a white cardboard box with big, bold, black lettering on it. Probably much the same way as those girls who get the little robin’s egg blue box with a white ribbon. Please don’t get me wrong, I would love one of those, too. But I would probably be just as happy with a shiny new kitchen utensil from C & B.
6. Three of my most favorite movies are The Princess Bride, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, and Pulp Fiction.
7. I am devoted to keeping my eyes open for “thin places”…those places, points in time, people that subtly yet vividly reveal the presence and glory of God.
8. I want to raise my children in a small(ish) town. But not too small. It has to have a Starbucks. And a Target. Or there at least needs to be one within a 25 mile radius.
9. My daughter was born at home. Unintentionally. It was the single most empowering experience of my life.
10. Soup. Not canned. Mushroom soup. Split-pea soup. Potato soup. Wild Rice & Chicken soup. Posole. French onion soup. Soup, in general. I like it. A lot.
11. It is almost impossible for me to tell someone “no” even when I know that I should. I’m a Pisces. It’s in my nature. Now that you are aware of this fact, please don’t use it against me. Because if you seriously ask me to do your laundry and pull your weeds, I probably will.
12. I’m an Arizona native. And I’ve never lived anywhere but Arizona. I think I’m ok with that. Although I harbor this secret desire to move to Idaho. It just looks so welcoming. And yes, I know that people only move from Idaho and not to Idaho. And I’ve heard about the white supremacists and the meth – I just like to think that maybe they’ll be eradicated by the time I get around to moving there.
13. My dream car is a ’69 Camaro SS. Red with white racing stripes. One day. If they’re not first banned by the government because they are not “environmentally friendly.”
14. My hair is naturally curly. It’s a love-hate relationship.
15. I am infatuated with black & white photography. If I could wake up tomorrow and have any career, it would be that of a photographer.
16. I love the smell of a baby’s head. It’s probably the most innocent smell in the world.
17. My favorite food: tomatoes, fresh mozzarella, and basil with olive oil and balsamic vinegar and a chunk of ciabbatta bread.
18. Orchids have recently become my favorite flower. If only I could learn how to help them survive in my house. It is a goal of mine for 2009. First, maybe I should buy a new one to replace the one that died last summer. Then I can concentrate on keeping it alive.
19. Pinot Grigio. Zinfandel. Red. Not Pink. Pink is for the middle of your steak or a diamond. Or breast cancer awareness (save the tatas!). There are just some things in this world that should not be pink. Like wine. And cars. And socks.
20. Enameled cast iron cookware, stand mixers, food processors, stainless steel, a Viking stove, a SubZero fridge…the stuff that dreams are made of.
21. Willie Nelson. Coldplay. Allison Krausse. Pearl Jam. Cowboy Junkies. U2. Eric Clapton. Snow Patrol. Eagles. Grace Potter. Johnny Cash.
22. I never, ever thought that mounted deer heads would be a part of my home décor. The deer remind me that compromise and tolerance are essential to a happy marriage and home.
23. I only eat red gummi bears and red jelly beans. It kind of drives my husband crazy. He now refuses to let me anywhere near his candy stash. I remind him that I have not only one, but two, deer heads in my house. He doesn’t care.
24. I feel that my purpose in life is to live one filled with grace. To teach my children to do the right thing. And to “have faith and pursue the unknown end…”

I Am Not What They Are Looking For

I have some terribly excting news for you!

And by "terribly exciting" of course I mean "so-boring-it-might-make-your-eyeballs-roll-back-to-your-tonsils."

Go to Google and type in the following: "where can i buy bellmama stretch mark cream".

I'll wait while you open up a second browser window.

Look. Do you see it? My blog is the second entry on the results page! Really! REALLY?

Really, does it have to be? I have goals, people, but this, I am sad to say is not one of them. Seriously, being found on Google under strech mark creams? Thanks Mr. Google-Search Engine-Guru-Man for keeping me at the top of the list on this one. It is truly a highlight in my bloggy-career.

All I have to say is that I am probably not what that person was searching for.

(edit after posting)

So it seems that by virtue of the tagline alone (where can i buy bellmama stretch mark cream), my blog has now been promoted to slot numero uno on the google search engine. Here was the original search result:

THIRTY SUMMERS
But, I didn’t buy it 6 months ago. Or 3 months ago. Or even 5 weeks ago. ... My Peaches n' Cream Barbie from 1985 only cost $8.05...and she was ..... And he must be there before the first bell. Mama don't make me miss the first bell. .... that don't leave a colorful, permanent mark on the furniture, walls, or body? ...

Speaking Of Piñatas

...I thought the life size Little Mermaid piñata was just a myth.

However, for Brynn's 4th birthday, my sister-in-law, Lori, informed me that she was going to bring a piñata over for the birthday girl. If it fit in her car. She drives a full-size SUV.

And that is how we became the proud owners of one of the largest piñatas I have ever seen. In fact, instead of making that dreaded trek to the mall for the kids to sit on Santa’s lap this year, I just set the piñata up at home next to the Christmas tree. The kids dictated their wish list to Ariel the Little Merry-maid while sitting on her paper mache’ and tissue paper adorned lap. I even put a santa hat on her mane of fiery red locks for posterity.

Now, she just kind of hangs out around our house. Mostly in Brynn's room, but every now and then she gets adventurous. For some reason, she likes to visit my bathroom. When I’m not looking. And wait behind the shower curtain. Patiently. Then, at the end of a long day, I go to take a nice, hot shower, and……

...she never fails to startle me. Every time. Each and every of the half a dozen times or so that she has played this little game. Oh, Ariel, you sneaky, sneaky girl.

She also likes to wait here in the middle of the night...

Disconcerting. To say the least. After the initial startle response (again), comes amusement. If one can be amused at 3:00 am when there is a life size piñata sitting on her toilet. At least I have a husband who likes to make me laugh. One who keeps me from taking myself too seriously in life. One who has an odd sense of humor. Seriously. Do you see Ariel sitting on my toilet? In the middle of the night? Someone had to purposely wake up after I had gone to sleep just to put her there. And that, my friends, is what I find truly disconcerting.

That, and the fact that if we are ever going to use this piñata for her true purpose, I’m afraid we might have to take out a small personal loan to fill it up with candy. Or maybe I’ll just pray that the kids will pass out from the sheer exhaustion of beating the heck out of a gargantuan piñata.

And then they will fail to realize they only got a few Starburst and a Tootsie Pop for all that effort.

If You Could Have Any One Quality, What Would It Be

I'd like to be more generous with my time.
I'd like to be more generous with my money.
I'd like to be more generous with my patience.
I'd like to be able to sing.
I'd like to teach the world to sing. In perfect harmony.
I'd like to have Supernanny Jo's childrearing skills.
I'd like to be tan.
I'd like to have more energy.
I'd like to be better at managing my time.
I'd like to exercise more often. Or, at all.
I'd like to continue being the "best-mama-ever". Even when my children are teenagers.
I'd like to be able to subsist on three hours of sleep.
I'd like to be less scatterbrained.
I'd like...

Oh, wait. That was any one quality, wasn't it? Sorry. There are a lot of things I wish I was.

Apparently I fall short.