The Gold Crown

I have just added Hallmark to my blacklist. This takes the cake in the "Most Unfriendy Staff When It Comes to Understanding the Urgent Nature of a 4-Year Old Who Really Needs to use the Restroom" category.

This is pretty amazing given the fact that I was the brave (or maybe just absurd) mother who chose to take an almost 3-year old and a 4 1/2-year old into HALLMARK...seriously - glass figurines in all shapes and sizes, porcelain dolls, knick-knacks galore all just begging little, sticky, fumbling fingers to rescue them from their safe perch on the glass shelves. Honestly, how much glass does one store really need - if I didn't know better, I could have sworn the walls were made of crystal!

In fact, I am marveling at my children's ability to follow my explicit instructions: "Do not touch anything without asking my permission." They followed it to the "t" - asking about every 10 seconds if they could touch this or that - but at least I was monitoring the potentiality for disaster! Princess B even managed to not play one of her favorite games - pulling greeting cards out in a random fashion so that she can watch Mama try to play an adult version of Memory.

So...I made my selections: some tissue paper, a bow, and a card for a Baby Shower, and proceeded to the front of the store when I notice the little man lagging behind, knees together, holding his pants - telltale signs of urgency! I quickly ask the clerk if we could please use their restroom - she gives me and my children the once over (of course this was the day we had gone to Costco and they just had to have the penne w/ meatballs sample all over their shirts); she looks down her 19-year old, has-obviously-never encountered-a-toddler-who-HAS-to-pee-nose, and exclaims "we don't have public restrooms." I understand, but there is certainly one here, can't we just use it this one time? "No."

Really? (I don't know if I was more bewildered or angry...it is just a toilet, right?)...I literally tossed the items on the counter, pulled both children by the hand, and walked 150 yards in 110 degree heat to Albertson's (they may not be the cleanest, but at least they accomodate small bladders).

Silly me for thinking that Hallmark would be understanding of such a predicament in motherhood - their sappy, sentimental, and affectionate waves of greeting cards sure put on a good ruse! So, anyone expecting a greeting card from me will have to settle for the red bullseye selections instead of the gold crown ones!

PS - "red bullseye" = Target, my saving grace (toys, toilet paper, snacks, dog food, stationery, plants AND a Starbucks...really, who can compete?)